It has been a whirlwind of emotions these past few weeks.
Our eye appointment for the boy was switched to Tuesday of this week.
It was terrible.
I cried all day.
The eye doctor told us that our boy might not be seeing well.
He didn't respond to the light as the doctor would have hoped, he didn't respond at all.
The term neurological disorder came up.
This is not a term parents want to hear.
Can my baby see?
He doesn't really look at us much.
Is he blind?
But then I step back and allow my instincts to dwell for a bit.
I know he can seem me. Every once in a while a get a smile from him.
When we walk out into the sun he squints his eyes and turns his head.
When we turn on a light he squirms.
When I show him a picture of contrasting shapes he gazes.
So why in the world at the doctor's office that day did he not react to the light?
Maybe my little guy doesn't mind light shining in his eyes.
Maybe it was just a weird coincidence.
Maybe we were being tested by God.
Maybe I need to take what doctor's say with a grain of salt. They don't know everything. He saw Finn for 5 minutes. I see him all day every day and I know what he is capable of.
He definitely isn't at a 4.5 month level but I'm sure he can see.
He may not be able to roll around yet or even hold up that big heavy head but I love him and I know he is doing his best and he will get there soon.
He may not laugh and giggle at us but I know he loves us and I know he is happy.
My instincts are telling me to relax.
Let Finn grow at his own pace.
Don't compare him to the other babies.
I look into those big dark eyes of his and I can't help but feel peace and contentment. I'm tired of all the doctor's visits and test, I'm tired of feeling like something is wrong all the time, and I'm tired of reacting to what the doctors and nurses tell me.
I just want to love and enjoy him.
And that's just what I'm going to do.