I felt the need to hurry and get his story down on paper (computer) before I forget all those intimate details I so wish to remember for always. So here it goes, it's gonna be a long one but I will be so happy to have this to remind me of that wonderful day last week!
I had a doctor's appointment Friday afternoon. I had a little bit of cramping that morning but nothing too exciting. At my appointment my doctor told me I was dilated to a 3 and 90% effaced and that I was sitting on a hair and it could happen anytime now. After I left my appointment I started to feel a little more cramping and as the day went on it got progressively more intense. We were at our friend's house for a fire and by the time we left my contractions were about 10 to 15 minutes apart. Nothing too worrisome, I've heard some people can stay at this stage for days even weeks. By about midnight they were getting pretty strong but my doctor told me not to come in until the contractions were 5 minutes apart and a minute long. They were now 3-4 minutes apart and about 30-40 seconds long so I figured I should just wait it out. I took a nice warm bath to ease the pain, bounced on the birthing ball (totally made it worse), and paced the floor. They never went over about 50 seconds so I just went with my gut and decided to go to the hospital.
When we got there it was about 3 am. I for sure thought I wouldn't be dilated far enough and they were gonna send us home. They took us back to a delivery room, I got my gown on and they strapped me to the bed. She checked me and I was at a 5! I wasn't going anywhere. I got my IV and then they asked if I wanted an epidural. Without hesitation I said, yes. Honestly the contractions weren't completely unbearable but I did not want to feel that baby coming out of me. So the anesthesiologist came in, had me turn on my side and hug my knees. I felt some sharp pokes and that was the worst part. The first hour with the epidural was miserable. I hated it. I felt like I had no control of any of my body parts and even my breathing was off and I couldn't swallow, it just made me feel so strange and I couldn't stand the feeling. But after the initial dose wore off it wasn't as bad, I could move all my limbs and felt more control just without the pain of the contractions. My mom arrived shortly after 4 and I rested while her and Noah chatted. By about 7 am I was at a 7. Then about an hour later the nurse checked me and I was already at a 10! Noah had gone to the bathroom while she checked me, he came out and my mom told him I was fully dilated and he was surprised, well we all were. She called my doctor and said she wanted to wait about an hour to start pushing so the baby could drop a little lower. Talk about pressure. Even with the epidural you feel an intense amount of pressure it's crazy, I just wanted to push so bad but I had to wait. Then my doctor came in (I love my doctor, he's the best) and got all ready to start the big show. I did a few practice pushes with the nurse and then by 9 am it was time to start pushing for real. Noah was so nervous, he was holding my right leg and it was his job to count to 10 while I pushed. He counted so slow, I thought I was going to pass out. Then they brought a mirror out so I could see my progress, it was so crazy to see my baby boys head emerging and then get slurped back in (too graphic? sorry).
I did one last big push, his head was out.
Then my doctor told me to do a couple small pushes and then he was here, at 9:33 am.
My boy was 8 pounds even, 20.5 inches long and had the funniest cone head I'd ever seen.
I was in total shock, I couldn't even cry.
They placed him on my chest and I just looked at him. He was purple as can be and they had a hard time getting his color to change. They kept rubbing him but no change. I don't remember ever being worried though, I knew he was going to be just fine cause he's my boy.
Apparently I tore a bit and my doctor gave me an episiotomy so there's some damage downstairs but no big deal, my boy was here! As I was being stitched up they brought him back over to me and that's when it hit me and the water works broke out. I could not believe that I had just given birth and that this was my son. I was in complete shock (and still kind of am). I was so exhausted so I didn't start breastfeeding right away. They took me up to my room and that's when I breast fed him for the first time. It was a little rough, as were the next few days but eventually we got the hang of it and we're on a lovely little schedule now. My milk didn't come in til about day 4 so that was a little discouraging.
The hospital stay was less than enjoyable. If they try to give you percocet just say no. I didn't know that it was the percocet at the time but on day 2 of the hospital stay I started to get a lot of anxiety. I even woke up in the middle of the second night with an anxiety attack. It really freaked me out. And even the next morning I was feeling so much fear and anxiety they had to bring a social worker in to talk to me. That's a nasty drug and I refuse to ever take it again.
Finally we got to go home (next time I'm only staying 24 hours, regardless of what the nurses say). I was nervous to bring my boy home because he was so fragile and I was so concerned for him. But we got him home, got him into some jammies (he peed in his going home outfit, bummer).
Then it hit me, I'm a mom, my boy is here, and we are home.
The next couple days were a little rough. I'm not sure if it was just new mom anxiety or baby blues but there were a lot of tears and fears. I was so worried about feeding him correctly and making sure he had enough food, making sure he was breathing, and keeping him in the bilirubin bed for 3 days didn't help either.
But now that we have the breastfeeding down and we're all more comfortable with each other it's a lot better. I still have my worries but I think that's just the territory that comes with being a mom. I'll worry about him for the rest of my life now.
We just love him so much. Every once in a while when I'm holding him I just start to cry because I love him so much and can't believe he's really my son. I sing him his song "Can't Take My Eyes Off of You" and he gives me a little smile (ya it's just a reflex but I like to think he really is smiling and enjoying the song). And I love when he stares at me while I'm talking to him.
I'm so glad he's finally here and we can watch him grow. I know it isn't always going to be easy and perfect but I know God sent him to us for a reason and he is our boy forever.
We love you Finn and we're so happy to be your parents!